I'm sure everyone saw it. Here's the place to take your shots.
Personally, I hated it with a passion - and I liked the first one, and even found stuff to like (much like Spider-Man 3) in the second.
But this third entry was just awful from beginning to end. I couldn't pick out a single thing I enjoyed about the movie and I was squirming in my seat after 15 minutes. The painful knowledge that I still had two and a half hours left from that point only made it that much worse.
Depp tries his hardest to keep everyone entertained, but by this point he's playing a magician and he's just got too many balls in the air to keep them up. Geoffrey Rush was the only other part that I didn't loathe.
With as bad as Keira Knightley, Chow Yun-Fat, Orlando Bloom and the rest of the assortment were, worst of all is the story. The writers of this monstrosity had absolutely no idea what they were doing. It wanders all over the place, and for a pirate movie these guys stand around explaining shit to one another way too often. Say what you will about Dead Man's Chest but at least it felt like we were headed somewhere. During At World's End I felt like everyone's heads had been chopped off and they were just running around aimlessly with weapons in hand.
Oh, and I wanna thank the creators for treating us to the 30-or-so hangings we witness to kick the movie off. Nothing like the mass killings of people devoid of their rights to a trial. Really gets you in the mood for the brainless wonder you're about to behold.
10 comments:
Haven't seen it yet. Probably will tonight. I'm completely indifferent to this series. I'm proud to have been so since the beginning too.
When the first Pirates came out, my biggest complaint was that it was thirty minutes too long.
So what does Verbinski do for the next films? Make them even longer.
I dreading having to sit through this film. Perhaps my really low expectations will create a modest viewing experience.
Depp and Rush are thw only ones having fun, but even their schtick is getting old. I think Davy Jones is a wonderful creation with the great Bill Nighy behind him, but otherwise I say scrap everyone else. This series it too big for its own good. It should have been more intimate and not so bloated.
PS I predict that last crew of pirates on Earth will stab Orlando Bloom for making them all appear to be pussies. Knightley will also be raped and left for dead.
Can't say I would be upset.
Alex Billington noted, "The negative reviews from professional critics will be out there, but that won't have an impact on the film's attendance or anyone's own opinion. This is just how the film industry works nowadays, critics give bad opinions, films make money, the public usually has a differing opinion, and all is well in the world of Hollywood since the studios made their millions anyway."
I couldn't have said it better myself.
I loved it, like I did the first and second.
The following are some quotes, made by Gore Verbinski, that I have accumulated from Entertainment Weekly articles. I think I know whom to blame for all the problems these films have.
"I find 'The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly' confusing in a beautiful way. I think sometimes that's an asset."
"...if its an argument against complexity, I think we've gotten more complex, not less. We haven't run away or chickened out. We certainly don't shy away from putting stuff in that upsets people. I wouldn't want to take all the pimples out. It has to have a smell and voice. I like movies that aren't perfect."
"I don't' mind if people find it confusing. I don't want to dumb it down to where its just processed cheese and you're not thinking about it afterwards."
-in regards to the numerous blank pages, re-shots, budget, etc.
"Its like 'How Not To Make A Film 101'"
...and the most telling statement that proves Verbinski is an idiot and should not be making films that have unfortunately seeped into our American culture...
-in regards to Keith Richards
"But he was really just a regular guy"
Myth, what did you like about it? You're honestly the only person I know of whose seen and even marginally liked this film. Most everyone else I've talked to (about 6/7 people thus far) all sat through it like people were torturing their family. Lots and lots of uncomfortable squirming.
The movie had no focus, no emotion, no intensity, and no interest for damn near three hours. It's almost amazing they sustained it for that long. Honestly, it was one of the single worst viewing experiences I've ever had in a movie theater. Even the films that have been worse, such as Unfaithful at least had the good sense to be an hour shorter than this one.
And Chachi's also right, even the best points - Depp & Rush namely - are stale, recycling the same material over and over and over.
Oh, and Gore Verbinski apparently considers all his footage sacred and any attempt to edit this monstrosity was shot down. He's even said himself something to the effect of "I just wanted to throw as much in there as I could."
Well, what results when you do that is crap. So congrats Gore, mission accomplished.
Yeah...I avoided this over the weekend. I didn't feel like dealing with all the 15 year old girls creaming themselves over the hottest man in show business....Mackenzie Crook. There are definitely parts of these films that I've enjoyed. Capt. Jack and Barbossa are great fun characters...for a while...then it gets boring. I love Bill Nighy as Davy Jones. The special effects have been good...especially the Flying Dutchman's crew.
That having been said....there's far more crap in them. Exhibit A: Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley. Besides the fact that neither is a particularly good actor...they have no chemistry whatsoever. It's like watching the Matrix trilogy again. Keanu and Carrie-Anne are both decent to good actors...but they had no chemistry. It was like watching to 2x4's kissing. Same goes for Keira and Orlando. Just crap. I don't care about them. Never did. Never will. Just let them die, replace them with real actors who can at least fake interest in each other...then maybe these would be more watchable.
Exhibit B: Gore Verbinski. He has never made a movie I've liked (maybe Mousehunt). The dude is a hack...worthy of mention along such hacktastic directors as Renny Harlen and Brett Ratner. His whole mentality, "Throw a bunch of shit at them...and hope something sticks", results in only one thing...the audience having to wade through a bunch of shit.
I will probably get out to see this in a couple of days....but I'll wait til after I see Bug.
Myth, you better hope we never cross paths again because your enjoyment of this film is just about your most blasphemous,...and you liked Fantastic Four.
I absolutely hated this film.
I had one major complaint about the first film. I had a lot to complain about in the second, yet I can see why some would have fun. Here I don't know where to start.
I'm going to say that Will Turner and Elizabeth Swan are the worst on screen couple ever. They are so poorly drawn and acted that they, in nearly nine hours of film, never once convinced me of their love for one another. They spend the entire film hating each other, and than suddenly get married during battle in one of the silliest scenes ever committed to celluloid. However, 15 minutes later, they topped it with the single most ridiculous scene ever! when he makes out with her damn kneecap. Pengin and I had lost it and were laughing so damn hard that I nearly blew a kidney. The one solace in the movie is the fact that Bloom isn't in it all that much, but that leaves us to witness Knightley and her convulsion- inducing speech to rally the troops. I could go on forever about how these two ruined the movie, but there is so much more wrong with it than simply these two "actors."
I have to admire a movie that is nearly three hours long, yet still is so poorly paced and confounding. Did they not have enough time to properly explain there characters motives? The fact they managed to make a weirder movie than 'Bug' is also a feat. What the fuck was with all the damn crabs? I had people explain the crabs in the desert as a hallucination, but than how did his damn ship get back in the water than? Is there no Davy Jones Locker? Was he really out at sea the entire time? Why should I care?
Can somebody please explain who the fuck Calypso was, why she gave Davy Jones his power to begin with, why she is made of crabs, and why, as a god, the best thing she can do for a battle is create a whirlpool.
Why did a whole armada flee from two ships when only one of theirs was destroyed? Where the hell were they during the whole maelstrom?
Johnny Depp clearly does what he can, but he is swimming upstream at 90 degrees. Oh and I loved how Calypso was able to revive Barbosa from the dead (which they explained in one sentence of dialog), yet she can't revive Elizabeth's father. Why? Who cares?
I still think Davy Jones is a marvelous creation. He has real emotions that I think were needed for his character. The problem is the story doesn't care about his plight. He is also absent from this film for nearly all of it. Actually many of the characters don't get as much screen time including Depp. There are far too many characters for each to get his own.
I hated the monkey!
Why did it take over two hours till the first and only action scene occurred?
Why cast Chow Yun Fat and not have him do any karate? Did they cast him for his brilliant acting?
In conclusion, it is perhaps the most boring movie I've had the displeasure of sitting through. Pengin turned to me to remind me we were only half way through. I wanted to walk out so bad, but I stuck it out simply so I can critique this "movie" on all of its "merits." Myth, I am speechless. I had the lowest of expectations, yet somehow Verbinski managed to surpass them. Paul W.S. Anderson could have made a better film than this garbage.
I hated this film. I hate this franchise. I hate Verbinski. I hate the public for giving money to these bloated, pretentious pieces of shit that were made solely to ride the coattails of the first to an easy box office victory. Clearly no one cared about the product as long as it made some money. I hate Hollywood.
Bravo Chachi. Bravo.
A nice encapsulation of the crapfest that is Pirates 3. Take your bow.
Anyone else think that the picture for this post is quite appropriate. There is one person amongst the three that clearly is out of place. Take a guess who it is?
CHACHI! ON FILMSPOTTING!
SWEEEEEEEEEEET.
I can't add anything to Chachi's post. This movie sucked. Gore Verbinski sucks. Anyone who likes it sucks. I'm sick of summer already.
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